1. Do whatever it takes to be sure you can hear your self talk. Set a goal of clearly hearing what you say to yourself and writing down key phrases that must change. Set a deadline to collect this information. Spend enough regular time alone where you aren’t distracted by the external world and instead you focus on this task.


2. Write down a positive self talk statement that replaces each phrase you want to change. It is not enough to notice the negative self talk and tell yourself to stop doing that. It simply won’t happen because our minds function on habit forming self talk. Give your mind intentional positive self talk to guide you.


3. Take one written positive self talk statement and apply it to your life until it becomes a habit. A habit occurs when you don’t have to think about it anymore, you are using the self talk like auto-pilot. Do this with each positive self talk statement.


4. At this point, you have lots of experiences editing your self talk and creating new habits to guide you. You are not finished. Your maturity is at stake if you do not maintain an ongoing editing of the self talk. Human culture influences us to  internalize its negative messages. You are the only one who can clean house in your mind.

In trail language this is a “zero day”.  A zero day is when the hiker gets off the trail for some reason, hiking zero miles.  Sunday, Sept. 9th was horribly filled with worry and trouble but I made it through the day. That night I didn’t sleep well due to the same worries I had carried all day.  But, when I got up the next morning, I was able to focus on that eleven mile day and I was determined to not turn back or give up.

 I’m revealing this because my readers should know that even a Life Coach has bad days; days where it’s difficult to find positive energy and traction.  It is normal to have days where one is overwhelmed with a bad attitude and a lousy perspective on life.  I got off the trail and now I’m staying at the Hemlock Hollow Hiking Hostel (Hattie’s Place – I like all those Hs) www.hemlockhollow.net. In this Milepost I’m reflecting on my recent trail experiences.

 As a reader of the Mileposts, you view the twists and turns of my personal growth journey as it happens.  Though I try to be transparent about my life lessons and skills learned whenever I write the Mileposts, the transparency of my life journey is particularly evident when I’m hiking the Appalachian Trail.  Daily life is reduced to very basic elements of food, water, shelter and companionship.  The content of my self talk comes through loud and clear – there is no fuzzy background clutter.  The margins of life – eating, keeping my belongings organized, getting from one place to another, taking time to rest – are no longer the margins of my life to be squeezed onto the day’s page, after I get my “To Do’s” done.  Now these essential yet easily marginalized parts of my daily life are primary.  They are the content of the day’s page. 

 As I walk along the trail I can’t help but notice how it feels to take care of me.  What is the content of my self-talk?  How is my companionship with me?  We women are often too focused on caring for others at the expense of caring for ourselves.  So, one feeling that emerges is Guilt.  Who am I to be out here on my “little hike” when I could be performing a myriad of useful functions back home?   Sound familiar to you?  I was able to wrestle that inner monster and take him down with some positive self-talk, but it took me several miles of walking to get there.  Another conversational point with myself was an exploration of thoughts about Fear.  Given my environment of hiking and sleeping in the woods alone, I had ample opportunity to dwell on my fears.  Each fear that arose had the capacity to feed on itself and conjure up new fears. At times, I was so overwhelmed with fear feeding on fear that I had an exaggerated startle response when a very large nut fell out of a tree and hit the ground nearby.  I must tell you that fear was much harder to wrestle to the ground with my self-talk than guilt.  Some of the fear I was experiencing had a rational basis like the fact that bears do live here.  It is their home and not mine.  That being said, much of my self-talk was irrational fears that were born of fear feeding on fear.

 In reflection over these last few days, I know that the companionship I offer myself is really quite good. It pleases me to have confidence in my inner peace.  As I’ve said previously, hiking alone is not something I recommend and it wasn’t my first choice.  But, life doesn’t always let us have our first choice, does it?  I don’t think so.  We have reality to deal with and we have the power to choose how we’ll cope.  My good self-companionship stems from years of practicing a gentle patience with me.  I trust my innate desire for personal growth as an authentic characteristic of me.  Being well with myself also stems from practiced faith in God who I know loves me and loves humanity. There is a greater plan about life and I accept that I will never see the full blueprints. But, my faith gives me a peace that surpasses all understanding.  That kind of peace is a fantastic coping skill when life’s lemons won’t turn into lemonade.

All this reflection on the content of my self-talk led me to this last bit of wisdom.  Most of the time, I don’t judge myself.  At the end of each day, I like to reflect on how my good intentions have manifested.  I try to avoid the human tendency to place my self worth on the culture’s measuring stick.  The more consistently I hold value-full direction to my life, the more pleased I am to be with me.

 And so, I completed those two difficult and challenging days of backpacking with a renewed spirit. I was able to follow through with my intentions to finish the miles despite the adversity in my head and on the trail.  It felt good to stick with my determination to address the reality that came my way.

 What next?  I don’t know yet.  I’m still pondering.  When I do know, I’ll send out another Milepost.  Until then, remember that “a well lit path has life direction”.

 Peace be with you.

Beth Abel     aka “Spirit” trail name

Fifty six miles hiked in four days makes a good start for me.  I'm writing from Erwin, Tn. where I'm staying at Uncle Johnny's Hiking Hostel - uncle johnnys.net.  This is the spot I retreated to when, in 1999, I left the AT bruised and worn out from hiking this section with my seventeen year old son.  Lesson learned in '99 - never hike with someone who doesn't fit your pace because you'll compare yourself to him, and in my case, I couldn't keep up.  Returning here was actually a sweet reward because now I know how to care for myself.  I am enjoying the benefits of eight years of progress and self discipline.  The fifty six miles just completed have haunted me for years as a failure, an impossible task for me.  But returning to this spot on the trail equipped with more experience, skill and definitely self acceptance makes this mileage completion something like a Homecoming with myself.

I compare this "return to succeed" vs the "1999 recuperating siege" (I stayed at Uncle Johnny's for 7 days trying to recuperate) to "using switchbacks" vs "bushwacking".  Let me define the terms for you as follows.  Trail maintainers will build the trail on a long uphill section using a zig-zag method so the incline of the path is mild.  We love those volunteer trail maintainers!  When looking at a huge mountain to climb, it's so comforting to know there are switchback trails ahead!  "Bushwacking" is a term used to describe someone's choice to strike out solo at the the huge mountain and create a path with sheer will power and strength.

In '99, I didn't have the self awareness to accept how much I was trying to keep up with my son's pace.  I was "bushwacking".  But I did learn from that failure because I evaluated the experience and focussed on addressing the weaknesses of my original approach to the AT.  I began to build a plan with "switchbacks" in mind.  For example: I am now immovable on the basic principles of how fast I walk, how much pack weight I carry, how much water I need.

What are your "switchbacks" in your life plan?  They should address what you need.  A honest self appraisal of your needs always helps.  Secondly, "switchbacks" should include your values which is the "how  I'll succeed" part of the plan.  It required years for me to discover some of my values.  One that I accepted in '99 was "I must hike my own hike".

Well, that's some thoughts from the trail.  I'm headed south on the AT today.  I'm getting close to Hot Springs, NC.  It is nice to look forward to the relaxing hot springs.

Peace be with you.

"Spirit"  Beth Abel

Webster defines resilience as – “the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress.” Another definition is –“an ability to recover from and adjust easily to misfortune or change.”

Certainly there is a cluster of life skills one becomes aware of and then practices which eventually brings about the level of self trust that is resilience.  I am particularly aware of one life skill – personal goal setting – which ultimately contributes to resilience in life. I just concluded a personal goal setting course for women.  The last meeting was filled with uplifting statements of newly found resilience because each woman made a step forward in changing her life purposefully.  Life hands us many events and changes which are not under our control and this is where Resilience comes into play.  Rather than facing life with an attempt to avoid, we should practice (and teach our children) facing our goals and the inevitable roadblocks that are in the pathway to our goals.  It is in the proactive experience of resolving problems intentionally that we come to trusting our ability to do just that – which is resilience.

Peace be with you.

Beth Abel, Life Coach

Life Maps ~ a well lit path declares life direction

A Life Maps personal goal setting course for young adult women will begin on Saturday, August 25, 2007, 9am to noon.  For more information, please contact Beth Abel and request a free consultation.